Blog 1.
I know, I know. I said I wasn't going to do it but here we are again. A brand new X Factor but same ol’ Steve spreading his grumpy doom and gloom over Saturday light entertainment but wait, I have good news. The News Of The World will not be bringing you any SYCOphantic claptrap on Sunday.
Anyway, “Real” Winners JLS, Olly Murs and One Direction are all releasing product. Even the doe-eyed beauty Leona Lewis, who after all these years is unable to stand on her own two feet without the protection of The X Factor, is releasing a single. Alexandra Burke has a lower profile release in October and also we mustn’t forget Matt Cardle who is hoping to break the male winner unlucky streak. You know? Every male winner has been jettisoned from the Death Star.
Regardless of Matt’s fate, it will be a bumper Christmas for Mr and Mrs Cowell. He is still getting married isn’t he?
Last year I got into trouble with the mum of a One Direction member for stating the obvious but I’ve learnt my lessons and I hope that young man is having his. This year I’m going to be smarter. I will be a bit more constructive in my comments and if I feel the urge to be tactless I will vent my frustrations on someone over 40 with a small twitter fan base.
The brand new show is re-branded as “The Next Generation” because above all, it’s still about the judges. There’s a new generation of judges …and Louis Walsh. How does that awful little man keep getting the gig?
The big positive is Gary Barlow replacing Lord Vadar. How can I moan about Gary Barlow? You just can’t. He was the chubby one in Take That who could sing and write songs but lacked sex appeal while the less talented Williams took the girls and the Brits and happily rubbed Gary’s nose in it. So now, Gary is mature, better looking than ever, a bucket load of hits and we love him. He has been an instant hit. A little too much like Cowell but hey it’s Gary!!
Then we have three other judges but to be honest after they let Goldie Cheung through in week one with her erotic granny moves I’m not even going to give them a name check until they buck their ideas up. I know it’s telly but come on! It will only end in tears and anyway, I thought we weren’t going to give these people false hope anymore?
Let’s be clear the opening show had two objectives. Firstly, to introduce Gary Barlow as the new Simon Cowell - the judge you can trust as the voice of reason. You will be led to agree with most things he says while the other three make weird and wonderful comments that are obviously wrong. The second objective was to get the public to accept Cheryl Cole’s replacement and that was achieved by having a tone-deaf young man with anger issues called George abuse her in front of the nation. Terrible television but it got the job done …for now.
As for talent, there was nothing of any note. We have seen two possible finalists a boy who tattoos girls names on his bum which will get the teens going, and then there was a girl who sounds a bit like Katie Waissel but nice and more in tune. Neither will come close unless a relative dies during boot camp. Remember X Factor runner-up R Wayne?
No doubt there will be a couple of outstanding singers and as soon as I see them I will let you know but I think it’s going to be the youngest X Factor ever.
My early prediction: Too many X Factor acts so 2012 will see Matt Cardle, Alexandra Burke and Cher Lloyd go the way of Old Yeller unless they find that killer tune.
Finally, we’ve recently lost the amazing talents of Amy Winehouse, Nick Ashford and Jerry Leiber. My record collection and repertoire have both benefited from what they have produced. I regularly perform “All I Need To Get By” and “Stand By Me” and they will never feel the same again. Thank you for your contribution to music and my life. Rest in peace.
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