Grace Dent Reckons She Knows Her Stuff – Oh dear.

I’ve just read an article in The Guardian about The Voice by Grace Dent. here

It was so bad I just had to write down my thoughts. Grace Dent is a writer of stories. Long stories are called novels which is very impressive – but hey, they are still just stories. She is paid to watch telly, write about it and write long stories. She is creative and funny but does writing stories and watching telly make you an expert on singing and talent shows?

In her very first sentence Grace Dent reveals her lack of knowledge by ridiculing Will.i.am for saying that The Voice is “not like a traditional karaoke talent show.” The fact that singers come on playing instruments, a live a band and the coaches judge only the voice has totally been lost on this wordsmith.

She then uses “clank” and “honk” to describe the vocals of the coaches. What? Tom Jones? Jessie J? Now I may not have the wit and writing ability of Grace Dent but I know my music and this was a great opening to a new show. Does anyone really think that Tulisa from N-Dubz showing off her tattoo to Carl Orff’s “O Fortuna” is a more impressive start to a talent show?

Ms Dent then has a pop at Jessie J for being young and attractive and the only woman on the panel like “every other blooming panel show”. There goes another perfectly good bra going up in smoke. No mention of Jessie J’s writing or singing ability just describing her as “tits, teeth and occasional sparkle”. I’m amazed the lack of respect for one of the greatest UK newcomers in years.

It’s a pity that the biggest point that Grace Dent touched upon she failed to get it. In an effort to get Jessica Hammond on his team, Will.i.am played up what he could do for her.

Dent says, “Balls to managing expectations: this was a new level of televised talent-show bullshit.” Sorry Grace you really don't understand the music industry. It's full of bullshit.

When artists have a number of record labels interested in them they get told everything to get them to sign. This is a reality.

What is refreshing about The Voice is the lack of desperate wannabes set up just so we can see them sucking up to Tulisa and on their knees to Louis Walsh. The Voice have admired coaches with real talent giving aspiring singers a new level of respect. Not unusual for the BBC as they have proved with Strictly Come Dancing but X Factor rejects will be rejoicing.

We all know that due to the cut backs, newspaper are no longer filled with news but more an outlet for novelists and chatterboxes to voice their opinions. I’m tired of these people who come out of university as professional smarty-pants who can write in a manner and an air of confidence that makes them look like they know what they are talking about. We really have to be careful not to confuse a wealth of vocabulary with a wealth of knowledge.

Excuse any mistakes - I'm a singer not a writer.

Has X Factor judge Tulisa blown her Job?

I had to write a blog about the biggest X Factor story in ages. It truly is perfect for the tabloids. It’s sex, lies and videotape. It’s a proper front page titillater.

Except one thing, it wasn’t meant to happen so don't hold the front page.

The X Factor "EXCLUSIVES" and crazy headlines that you read are mainly manufactured to promote the show.“Tulisa: Head Judge?” doesn’t really fit in well with the X Factor family image.

If you didn’t know, Tulisa Contostavlos is an X Factor judge who denied being in a sex video but has now done a U-turn and told the truth.

Tulisa's lawyers insisted it was "100 per cent fake". They said: "She is horrified that someone would go to the extreme lengths of fabricating a video. It is absolutely not her." - Oops!

Winston Churchill once said, “A lie gets half way around the world before truth has a chance to put his pants on” but with social media truth is quickly catching up.

It is going to become increasingly difficult for PR to dictate what you read about and so they have had to work on disaster management.

So, the pro-X factor tabloids have played down what would normally be a big story.

They have given Tulisa the victim make-over, you know, hair off the face, little make up, plain Jane top…and….Action! Cameras roll.

Tulisa - betrayed victim.

Stacey Solomon - smoking confession.

Tulisa spends five minutes saying why she felt safe enough in her relationship to perform oral sex on video with her boyfriend and unsurprisingly the press have been very sympathetic to her. She gives the tabloids all the sound bites they need to distance them from the propaganda (it's her words not theirs) Betrayed –check, intimate – check, violated – check. She truly delivered what they wanted and The X Factor is saved from another humiliation - they hope.

Now, I think it's right that they go easy on Tulisa. There are enough guys out there with little respect for women and these images do nothing to help make men respect women more. In fact I think it does more harm when a role model like Tulisa is humiliated like this than silly old Dennis "punchy" Waterman trying to excuse his inadequacies but I digress.

It’s a shame the press didn’t show the same amount of compassion for Lascel Woods. ...Who?

Lascel Woods was a cert for the X Factor 2011 finals until they found out about his secret past. He claimed someone had uploaded a sex video of him to a pay site exactly like Tulisa has done. Unfortunately, Lascel was just a black gay guy and we have Andy Peters so we don’t need any more thank you very much! Lascel had no PR and in my mind was a real victim.

It was a shame to witness. Lascel was a talented singer with a difficult past. He was in care from the age of 4 due to his mum’s mental health issues but he just wasn’t as important to the show as say, Tulisa is.

Lascel went out and we end up with… Frankie Cocozza.

So don’t worry Tulisa, you may be a bad judge of men but your job as a judge on The X Factor is safe.

JUST CONFIRMED >>>> COWELL SAYS TULISA JOB IS SAFE

Lascel Porn Shame. – Daily Mail

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2041376/X-Factor-2011-Lascel-Wood-porn-video-Sian-Phillips-axed-criminal-past.html

Lascel Woods X Factor Star Porn Shame, Vile Video, - The Sun

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/x_factor/3833449/X-Factor-star-Lascel-Woods-porn-shame.html

Lascel Woods in care from the age of 4. – The Daily Mirror

http://akastg.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/x-factors-lascel-wood-in-care-153094

Just Having Fun...Like The Tabloids but "they don't like it up 'em Mr Mannering!"

In July 2011 it was reported that Trinity Mirror would be making huge cuts. Now in 2012 nearly 20% of the editoral work force will be slashed. Funny, this hasn't made any headlines in the tabloids. This is the company that have mocked me for the last seven years so it was time for me to give a little love back.

One girl who worked at Heat and Editor for The Mirror 3am had been responsible for a number of negative pieces including a piece suggesting I used auto tune on X Factor. She is also sister to The Sun's Editor who regular takes cheap shots at me.

I did a tweet and it got an interesting reaction from some journos.

"3am girl Isabel Mohan quits her job and now I read The Mirror are making cuts. *wry smile”

Another Journo replied:

Little did I know that this ONE tweet would unleash the hounds of media hell. (a bit extreme but this is a tabloid blog)

Now I have no idea if Isabel Mohan took voluntary redundancy and don’t really care but to even suggest that she did has upset a few editors and journalists.

I have ‘enjoyed’ 7 years of tabloid humour at my expense so forgive me if take the opportunity to give a little bit back.

Considering I’m apparently no longer relevant (which is true - in fact I never was) this tweet got a pretty heated reaction from the tabloid media types.

Now, I have maintained that the negative propaganda from Cowell's PR team left me in a situation where I could either play the game and accept the harsh hand I was given or go away and try and do my own thing. The problem is the tabloid press are there to watch how I'm doing and ridicule anything I try.

I find it hypocritical that these people feel they have a licence to mock who they like regardless of the consequences and yet when I even look at them they take offence.

My tweet was nothing compared to some of the things written about me over the years but the reaction shows you just what a close-knit community some of these tabloid jounalists are.

These are some of the screen grabs from last nights exchange.

According to Alison Perry, Executive Editor of More! Magazine

I was attacking in a 'real twatty way'.

Nikki Bayley of Glamour, Metro and The Guardian

Had to google who I was but felt compelled to interject.

...and when all else fails revert back to "He's just bitter".

These are just some of the people who made comments on Twitter, trust me, some will be talkin... and guess what as if by magic, I've just had someone in the 'business' ask me if I would support Belinda Carlise in Nottingham for £100. This guy hasn't offered me work in SEVEN years. What do you think - should I do it? No chance of an article suddenly appearing that takes the piss?

Last thing:

Obviously, there are people who will lose their jobs that had nothing to do with me or Cowell's PR machine and I have no reason to dislike them. I don't want people to lose their jobs who does? but it's like feeling sorry for the train driver of the Warsaw ghetto. It's sad but maybe they should've consider a career move anyway. I did.

Frankie Cocozza - Kicked out for being what they wanted him to be?

What did Gary say about Louis?

“Louis picks bad acts and makes them worse.”

Frankie Cocozza, the 18 year-old X Factor finalist that I have criticised from the moment I saw his first audition has been unceremoniously booted out of the live finals for “breaking the golden rule” and telling production staff that he had done drugs. Really? I don't remember that rule. It must have been introduced in series two.

Anyway let me remind you of first televised audition. These are some Frankie Cocozza quotes,

“I wanna be famous, I wanna be huge. I look forward to all the money, the cars, the showing off but mainly I’m looking forward to all the girls.”

“I see myself as a bit of a liability but I can admit that.”

Louis Walsh asked him why he had entered The X Factor? Frankie replied, “For the girls!” and everyone laughed and they cut to teenage girls in the audience. He then followed the script by showing the names of 7 girls tattooed on his bum. Everyone is having fun and Frankie is on top of the world.

Louis said, “Great rock voice and you’re a cheeky chappy”

Tulisa said, “It’s clear the girls love you and after that audition it’s going to get a whole lot worse.”

Kelly, “I like you. I usually like the bad boys. I like your voice, I like your whole vibe.”

Gary, “I think people are going to love you.”

He then got FOUR yeses and to complete the audition X Factor producers play One Direction’s new single. “You don’t know you’re beautiful.”

Gary eventually became his mentor and inexplicably put him through not only boot camp and judges’ houses but into the live finals despite his lack of vocal ability and his questionable dedication to his craft. “Frankie, you’re my pop star!”

It was obvious to millions at home that he was anything but and even Lord Sugar was on twitter “Frankie on X Factor apparently broke ‘the golden rule’ – he couldn’t sing!”

Now “Frankie CokeUpTheNozza” has been trending on twitter and his mentor Gary Barlow has come out saying, “I’m disappointed in Frankie!”

So that’s it. Frankie is crap and is gone.

An X Factor insider told The Daily Mail,

‘Frankie is the worst role model we have ever had on the show.

‘We couldn’t have someone who thinks they are the next Pete Doherty – and more importantly, acting like it – performing to millions of impressionable children and teenagers. We did what we had to do and told Frankie to go.’

Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. I feel compelled to write about it because it is wrong.

I’ll take it you’ve seen A Few Good Men with Tom Cruise a lawyer defending two marines. They had accidentally killed a fellow marine after given orders to assault him, known as a “code red”. Jack Nicholson played Colonel Nathan Jessep who had ordered the Code Red but denied he had ordered it as he would be held responsible for the death. The film is wicked! If you’ve not seen it you really must.

Now I’m not claiming to be Tom Cruise and this is hardly life or death but Gary Barlow is Colonel Jessep.

What we have here is a mentor that openly encouraged his artist to act like a rebel pop star and now he says he’s disappointed?

On live show two after Frankie’s performance and criticisms from Louis Walsh, Gary said, “Back in the really world that was fantastic mate, well done!”

The following week he said, “Last week I lied for you, I said you were good it was awful.”

Gary is the mentor, the man Frankie trusted. I believe Frankie was told to just be himself and maybe a little be more. What he didn’t have in voice Gary wanted him to make up in rock star bad behaviour.

Look at this intro CLICK HERE for building up as some sort of star. A total set up by the production team. The backstage filming is pre-recorded. It's fake. Frankie is really just standing backstage crapping his pants waiting for his cue to go on stage.

I think it all went wrong when ratings went down, Frankie swore on TV which lead to grave concerns from the clean family firm of Marks and Spencer. You don’t want a kid in adverts who says, ‘Fucking have it!” the weeks leading up to Christmas.

18 year-old Frankie had slept with 69 girls and Gary Barlow introduces him to the families across the UK, “Lock up your daughters, it’s Frankie Cocozza!” it just wasn’t right for ITV or M&S.

On top of that, One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson came under fire for backing tuneless Frankie and asking his fans to vote for him; a week before the clean-cut boy-band were due on the show to promote a new single. Frankie was by now toxic and Louis had to stop tweeting about him.

The last straw was losing The Risk. As I said in a previous blog, that was not part of the plan. The show is in meltdown.

So what about his mentor Gary Barlow? It’s one of two things, either Frankie did as he was told and acted out the life of a rock and roll star or he totally ignored Gary’s orders to behave and concentrate on the competition.

If Frankie ignored Gary what does that say about him as “head judge”? He chooses bad songs, can’t control his act, picks bad acts and lies for them? If Frankie was just following orders then it was a huge error by his mentor that got him kicked out. Gary's judgement has not even been questioned. Look up John Wilding the boy who should be there!

Frankie Cocozza should never have got past the first audition. He should be doing something else with his life but now he has been taken out of a Christmas advert for M&S, hated on twitter and humiliated with the name “Frankie CokeUpYourNozza”

Remember what Frankie said in his FIRST audition.

“I see myself as a bit of a liability but I can admit that.”

I think Frankie was just being Frankie but egged on by the production team to be a rock star. I think it’s a tragic manipulation of a young man by the X Factor which they are responsible for but somehow unlike Colonel Jessep, I don't think Gary Barlow will ever admit that he ordered the Code Red.

Prediction: they are now frantically talking to Johnny Robinson to convince him to take a little drink not to come back and give the opportunity to The Risk. This would be the ultimate kick in the public’s bollocks.

X Factor Live Show 4 - Club weak.

For predictions skip to end of blog.

The X Factor meltdown continues with Cowell announcing that he wants JLS and One Direction to help boost sales of this year’s X Factor charity single and, according to Closer, he is also planning a new reality show to replace the X Factor if it continues it’s decline …so plenty to look forward to.

Last night was the worst show in the history of The X Factor. It was arguably the worst 90 minutes I’ve witnessed since England lost to Norway 2-0 in 1993 and failed to qualify for the World Cup. The quality of the judges and the resulting acts are just not good enough for Saturday night prime time ITV television. If The Sun wasn’t part of the PR machine it would have printed a picture of Gary Barlow with a turnip on his head by now.

I still can’t take Gary seriously since giving us Frankie and his subsequent lies to keep him in and now it turns out he might be having his gags written by James Corden’s co-writer Ben Winston.

It’s such a small world. Frankie knows Take That band member Jason Orange and James Corden knows One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson who is calling on his fans to back Gary Barlow’s Frankie. Cue the Soap theme tune.

The first judge to crack under the pressure was Louis Walsh. WestLife are about to retire, his new girlband “Wonderland” were recently dropped and he got dumped by X Factor winner Shayne Ward who is now carving a successful career in “Rock of Ages”. Louis’ only remaining act is Jedward - two tuneless goons – the pride of Irish music and Eurovision.

Louis was the little spark of a pretty damp squib. His newfound attitude could be the result of a realisation that the party is finally over and it’s last orders at the X Factor free bar. Like a drunken gran, Louis gave out a few home truths to Kelly for not turning up last week and to Barlow for how crap Frankie is. His tantrum was the highlight of the night.

It’s going to be hard for me to call this double elimination this week. I think that only Marcus and Little Mix are safe. Any two of the others could go.

The trouble is that X Factor make up the rules as they go along. Is it the bottom act and then a sing off between the next two or do all three sing?

The double elimination has been called because they can make a shock exit for someone. It’s not to restore any modicum of credibility to the tarnished “reality” franchise. They want viewers not stars. Frankie and Kitty need to stay and I think they will, or at least one of them will.

I don’t think the label is looking to sign many acts this year. They have enough going on with their current crop flogging stuff and with Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke planning releases in 2012.

The obvious strugglers are Johnny, Janet, Kitty and Frankie. The Risk were ok but do not connect with the audience. Little Mix are winning the battle of the bands in my opinion but both should be safe.

The show opened with Johnny Robinson who was terrible. Gary Barlow called him “a wedding singer” which was an insult to wedding singers.

One of my pet hates with The X Factor is that these so-called experts are willing to insult the grass roots of our music industry. Every week they mock cruise ship singers, wedding singers, pub, club and karaoke singers.

You never hear premiership managers making derogatory comments about the lower leagues. There are some fantastic musicians playing small gigs while The X Factor celebrate mediocrity.

I’m going to have a guess as it is too close to call this week:

Misha – on last and was good but bullying accusations may be a problem possible surprise exit.

Janet – in danger as she was poor yet again but will get the Irish vote. Possible exit.

Craig - Ok, no star quality and isn’t as entertaining as Marcus so in danger of going this week.

Johnny – first on, very poor. Louis has abandoned the camp diva outfits and this will make it hard for him now. Gary put the boot in. I think Johnny will go.

Little Mix – are loved by the judges and loved by teenage girls. Safe.

The Risk – are the only straight men left and after doing a Shalamar track are aimed at 20 somethings and housewives. Safe unless they have decided to back Little Mix as winners.

Frankie – should be gone but Louis has probably helped to get silly girls voting. I’m expecting a not so surprising stay.

Kitty – the press giving her a hard time, Gary had a go at her, did a Madonna song. The want her to lose but they need her to stay.

Marcus – Safe.

I really don’t know, I’m guessing Johnny or Kitty with Craig, Janet or...Misha?

Don’t bet on what I think… but I’ll go with Johnny and Craig but I'm probably wrong.

Excuse mistakes. Cheers.

"I met her...I banged her." Frankie hits a new low.

My main blog is tomorrow, so these are just my ramblings....

Doctor: "Mr Jones I have good news and bad news - the bad news is you have Cancer and 10 days to live."

Mr Jones: "Oh my god, What's the good news?"

Doctor: "You see that nurse over there with the big tits? I banged her last night."

Ok bad taste but I blame Gary for that old joke. I 'll explain why in a minute.

Alexandra did ok as a guest judge but I don’t think she should have done it. She is releasing her new album next year as well as Leona Lewis so she is setting herself up for criticism from the tabloids.

I should have done it! The tabloids think I’m a knobber anyway. I would have done it for free just to tell Louis “Johnny is not a Jazz singer he’s crap” Gary, “Frankie can’t sing - he’s crap” and Tulisa, “The word is BALLAD not BALLID!”

All the judges ignored the tuning problems of The Risk and the backing vocals on the track that made them sound half decent. They are safe.

Janet was poor. Her tuning was the worst of the night. I said if from day one that her voice isn’t strong enough yet for this show and I think I’ve been proved right.

The only two acts that I have always enjoyed watching are Little Mix (originally Rhythmix) and Misha B. Last night they were both great again with Little Mix just edging it on the night. I have really grown to like these girls a lot. Their routine was brilliant. I just hope the teenage girls support them instead of The Risk or Frankie but I doubt it.

Credit where it is due, The X Factor was amazing for costumes and design last night. The production was superb. The dancers, the lights, stage designs everything looked great. If they had 10 great acts it would have been a great show.

I was wrong about Sophie. She is very good but her song choices are poor and we may have seen the best of her vocally. One minute she is compared to Carol Vorderman the next she is a singing secretary. This is character assassination like Andy the Binman, Craig the Biscuit boy, James Michael the professional busker. Sami – the cruise ship singer. They put the thoughts in the public's minds and it’s over. Forget it for Sophie. She’s now been branded a wannabe. Job done.

Gary and Louis gave her very harsh criticisms, which makes me think they want her gone. Even the Telegraph thinks that she’s gone.

I have a source that tells me Simon Cowell has bought shares in The Telegraph if anyone has any more on that let me know. That would be interesting.

This week I’m thinking it is Sophie who is set to go.

Kitty sang well but I don’t think her voice is special enough – let’s see how she does next week.. The Mirror said “Kitty Brucknell in trouble over raunchy pole dancing antics”

“Producers are furious” over her “boozy night at a gay bar…making a mockery of the show’s family friendly image” they don’t mention that she has claimed to be celibate for 10 years and if this wasn’t true I’m sure The Scum would have found one slimey little Frankie Cocozza type to come out and say “I banged her!”

They then print a sleazy up the skirt type picture from a pap of Kitty about to sit down to make her look like she’s flashing her arse.

I took objection to this piece with all the “pole dancers” they have on the show it was a bit of a cheap shot and not forgetting Frankie Cocozza’s slutty image aimed at teenagers.

Only last night Frankie spoke on The Xtra Factor about a recent encounter with Holly Hagan. “I met her …I banged her.” The presenter laughed “Don’t worry girls Frankie is still single for hanky panky.” So that is now 69 girls he has banged then!

Yep all you little teenagers can still line up and get slipped a length of Frankie's pop star cock. Sorry if this offends I'm just changing 'Hanky panky" and "banged her" for a vulgar alternative that is designed to offend and wake you up to what this is really about.

Holly Hagan’s mum and dad must be well chuffed that she got the coveted 69 position!

Frankie has cemented his reputation as the “bad boy” of X Factor but he has apologised on twitter, “I’m sorry for being honest and being myself”.

Well I’m sorry for being honest. He has no talent, he's a ‘singer’ and yet he smokes and drinks, boast about his sex exploits and thinks it’s ok as long as you are honest. However, he is young and I don’t expect any different. It isn’t his fault, as many a young guy would take advantage of the situation he is in. I blame Gary Barlow for promoting him and holding him up like some sort of pop star.

Kitty may not be the best but she is not a slag, she is a performer who loves what she does and is branded by the tabloids as sleazy. Frankie is a bum but is portrayed as cool bad boy.

It’s 2011, the press go on about racism and homophobia but misogyny is hardly mentioned. Women continue to get paid less than men, women are slags and men are bad boys. If Kitty was a 26 year-old celibate man and Frankie was a female 18 year-old talentless slag what then?

Yep, this is the “Family friendly image” of the X Factor.

excuse all my mistakes during this grumpy rant. thanks!

Kelly Rowland takes no Risk and quits?

Last week Cowell was upset with the show. Ratings were down and nothing much was happening. Now as if by magic all has changed.

Manufactured boy-band The Risk who were made up of rejected solo singers and stealing singers from other bands have yet a new line up. They removed Marlon McKenzie from the original line up and now we are told that Ashley Baptiste has quit.

We will never know the truth about why Ashley has quit due to the confidentiality contracts but it seems crazy that a guy in the finals of The X Factor and in the band that is tipped to win has decided it’s not what he wants.

The have taken a 16 year-old from "No Vibe" as Gary Barlow put's it. What is wrong with Marlon McKenzie? The guy looks and sounds good and was in the original line up - I would love to know why he was booted out. Damn those confidentiality contracts!!

My own feeling is that for some reason like Marlon, Ashley wasn’t fitting in and as The Risk are set to be signed to the label want the right line up.

Kelly Rowland has apparently got a sore throat. I suspect that she has quit. I believe last week’s bullying of Misha was the last straw. Tulisa is 23 year-old judge who got on my nerves even before her Misha rant. I can only imagine what Kelly had to put up with.

**EDIT just heard that Alexandra Burke is the guest judge!! I'd be amazed if Kelly comes back now. To have Alexandra step in a sign that this is not scripted. No way would she have been a preferred choice to step in. Kelly has probably got her lawyers getting her out of show as we speak without being sued. It looks like it's going to be a face saving exercise for the show. Very interesting to see if Kelly comeback next week. I doubt it.

Gary Barlow admitted last week that he couldn’t be trusted because he lies about how terrible Frankie Cocozza is and now Louis Walsh has just been busted as a liar after calling Misha a bully in front of 10 million. It turns out Sami Brookes has dismissed his ridiculous claims. He did apologised on The Xtra Factor to 1 million but Walsh should apologise to Misha tonight in front of the 10 million viewers but I bet he won’t.

Like I predicted the tabloids have started putting down the acts that must not make the final:

Johnny is now branded a benefit cheat but he denies this.

Kitty went to a gay club and did some pole dancing (with her clothes on). The Mirror has made it look seedy. The show has a “family friendly image” er….Frankie Cocozza… Family image?

Rhythmix have changed their name. Nobody bothered to Google the name to see if it was already taken by a children’s charity. Doh!

Meanwhile Frankie Cocozza is building his teenage fan base on Twitter talking about his “haters” and that he knows he is the worse singer but will do all he can to improve. How about stay in and practice? Have extra singing lessons? Nope, he goes out on the piss. I have no time for this lad but the press are backing him so he will get signed.

Cowell will be very happy after all this weeks antics. The UK production team have really delivered enough gossip to ensure big viewers for tonight.

Sorry for mistakes. I make them.