The X Factor - Episode 3 - 'Get up Rocky!'

There's no Star Wars reference in the title to this blog but Rocky 3 or Clubber Lang wouldn't have been out of place. Billed as 'Fight Night', Abby and Lisa AKA Ablisa were a classic example of an act being told in their auditions that they were very good and greeted with warm crocodile smiles all the way until they faced the judges and the unforgiving audience. And what a climax to an episode where all the boxes were ticked. Tears, good singers, bad singers, nut jobs and violence. Simon must have been punching the air as Abbey was punching Lisa in the final round of a pulsating show. If you go on You Tube you can watch Lisa get hit in JFK slow-mo styley. Her head clearly goes back and to the left.

Now seriously, two close friends who no doubt went along for a laugh, stood in the long queues, waved and cheered on demand and then, like a couple of little green men in Toy Story, they were picked up by The Claw and dumped in front of the judges.

Abby and Lisa were obviously X Factor crazy and younger than their 18 years suggested. They probably had been to 'The X Factor' concerts and bought programmes, mugs and t-shirts. They had tried to sing Shayne Ward's 'That's My Goal', so no doubt they had voted a 100 times and bought his album. On top of all this merchandise, Abby and Lisa had also bought into Simon's dream that anyone can be famous. Terms and conditions apply.

Firstly, Abbey Johnstone ran off stage through embarrassment when the audition was going badly. She said, "'(Lisa) had just started singing, and I decided I didn't want to sing. I ran off stage but the X Factor people physically forced me to go back on again, and I couldn't take it any more".

Get up Rocky!!! They manage to convince Abbey with a bit of a push to give it one more go, and boy did she deliver a knockout performance.

You would think that after years of being criticised for its 'bear-baiting' style of audition, things might change. But Simon and The X Factor producers pretty much gave two-fingers to those critics so we, the chavs of British society, could delight in seeing a young girl hit another young girl in the name of light entertainment for all the family.

A concerned Cowell is then seen talking with the production team and delivering a well scripted "Tell them from me, it's four nos!" He should have added, 'Oh, and tell them, don't forget to buy Shayne Ward's new album out in November!'

I found it uncomfortable viewing seeing Abbey and Lisa humiliated and the subsequent problems they are facing. Somehow, their sacrifice is validated as The X Factor saves Cher Lloyd from a depressing life of anonymity. This talented 16 year old wowed the judges with a rendition of 'Turn My Swag On'. Everybody loves her. Twitter has gone nuts for her, so has facebook and youtube. The papers are tipping her for success and why not?

Well, not wanting to be a damp squib, there have been some great female vocalists over the years, Cassie Compton, Maria Lawson or even more recently Laura White and Lucie Jones. All these great singers impressed on the show but didn't end up winning it, when any of them could have.

Cher has great potential and it wouldn't surprise me if in three months she could have developed into a star. She will definitely make the finals and have an amazing journey but I could easily see the headline 'The Fix Factor' again. Just like when Simon put Irish Super Group Jedward through instead of Lucie Jones or when Louis chose the other Irish Super Group Conway Sisters over Maria Lawson.

I thought Cher gave a superb audition and had some really special moments. The song choice was perfect and at any age her performance was professional, but at only 16, that is X Factor potential. She did however perform straight after the tone deaf Patti Eleode singing 'For Your Eyes Only'. Not the hardest act in the World to follow. I wonder if everyone would have been so blown away if she had followed this. All I'm saying is that we should keep it real, but no, we'll probably be like England football fans, running away with ourselves until the inevitable shock exit.

Last year we had Danyl Johnson who did 'the best audition ever!' according to Simon Cowell, only to be branded an over confident bully by the press and consequently went off the rails in the live finals. The same could happen to Cher if the powers at be decide her 'swag' is just over confidence and decide to pull her down a peg or two.

Now, on a personal level, and I'm hoping it was just something to do with her getting her 'swag on', but I need to get to grips with some of the face pulling. It's a bit like dating a hot girl with a bad laugh. It's probably nothing, but I will be watching out for it.

Now for the best of the rest:

John Edeleye sang 'You Are So Beautiful' and I wish they had shown more, I can only hope it's because they are saving it for the live finals. He was a top class charismatic performer, and he was the best male singer on the show.

However, Liam Payne, surprisingly received much more air time for an over-hyped, Cry Me A River. The Telegraph described it as 'mature' and said ."There were pound-signs in Cowell’s eyes as Louis Walsh called him 'a British Justin Bieber'. " Liam has a pop star look but still needs a little work vocally. I think he has a great chance of the finals because of the teenage girl vote.

Sting had said that real artists would never come out of The X Factor and Storm Lee has entered to prove him wrong. But the only thing he has proved so far is that middle aged men shouldn't wear tight jeans. I also question anyones credentials as a real artist who has changed their name to a bad climate condition and comes on dressed as an extra from Easy Rider. For once I totally agree with Simon, Storm is a silly name, unless you are a drummer from a multi-platinum selling rock band from the 70s and even then it's a bit dodgy.

I remember when I was about 8 years old, and seeing the film 'Cromwell'. I was moved so much by the performance of Richard Harris, that I wanted to change my name to Oliver Cromwell. I nagged my mum for weeks until I ultimately saw sense. Where was Lee's mum when he came up with his stupid idea? He actually has a very good voice and the banter between Simon and Cheryl discussing his name made for very good viewing. I have a funny feeling that Storm will go far once they manage to peel those trousers off and change his image, if not his name.

For the die-hard fans I know this was a perfect show. This was The X Factor at it's best. Not the best in Saturday night TV or morality, but if you like the show and accept it for what it is then this was a 10/10, it had everything.

However, for the cynics, it represented the worst in capitalism. Giving the consumer what they want regardless of consequences. The cost this week was the public humiliation of Abbey and Lisa, the two young girls who have now become infamous fighters with over 3 million hits in 3 days on You Tube. They were sold a dream and bought a nightmare but according to Simon, it's their own fault.

Simon says to all those who have not benefitted from the wonderful dream scheme that he peddles, "They blame us for wrecking their lives. No,we didn't. We just said, 'Welcome on the talent show, we'll put you in front of millions of people. Good luck to you'." and when he says he'll 'put you in front of millions' he means its.

I can't deny, I loved some of the performers on this week's show, but I don't think it was worth the price we pay as a society to show Abbey and Lisa.

Simon Cowell isn't exactly Charles Ponzi, but with so many kids buying into his dream scheme on face value, how do we protect them from themselves?

Maybe, Abby and Lisa should have read the terms and conditions. The trouble is, you only get to read them once you are escorted out of the store.