Come On Wagner - You can do it!!!!

Hi Guys,

I never got this over to the team at London24 in time so I am putting it up on my private blog. These are my views and not that of London 24. If you wish to see my blog there CLICK HERE

Anyway here we go. The run down on acts 9-16.

Apart from a few acts ANY of the others could go this week. As with last week, whoever is on first will struggle with the exception of One Direction, Aiden, Matt and possibly Rebecca. My hot favourites to have a tough week are the wild cards. All 4 survived last week and that was a big surprise so I think the judges would want at least one to go this week. It must be annoying to see someone you didn’t really like much being more popular than someone you are endorsing.

This is why I think if Paige and Wagner are on very early then they will be in real danger of going. John shouldn’t be struggling but with the popularity of Matt and Aiden, he could have a hard time of it every week. John needs to stick to singing SOUL but as soon as Louis gives him a duffer, he is gone.

My previous blog had acts 1-8 here are 9 through to 16.

9. Paige Richardson “Killing Me Softly”–Simon said he looked like he was from ‘an American sitcom”, that wasn’t far wrong. I was expecting to see a McDowell’s backdrop and some petals thrown on the stage to welcome King Jaffe of Zamunda! A total stich up. They spent nothing on his performance except a jacket from the set of ‘Coming To America’. Louis had a stupid moment by calling him a ‘cuddly Luther Vandross’ and Paige now has the backing of Simon, a certain kiss of death. I like Paige but he is on borrowed time.

10. Katie Waissel – “We Are The Champions” - All the press this week has been on other contestants and that will give her a break. For some reason the judges want this girl to survive. Everyone is talking about her clothes but the real problem is her weak voice. I don’t care if she becomes the biggest star this side of the Milky Way, Louis is right she is ‘style over substance.’ Big X Factor names are showing her support and I’m not surprised. She needs to pull a rabbit out the hat to survive another week. Don’t be deceived by the fragile vocal, it isn’t emotion with this girl. It’s lack of control from a lack of training or practice. Should go but won’t. They will put her next to a crazy card.

11. Mary Byrne – “It’s A Man’s World” A very good solid performance of a great song. Simon said, “I can see how you developed an image from Cheryl” and then called her a “Tryer”. There was another reference to her Tesco past to keep us aware of just who she is. Mary isn’t a star but she is vocally much better than some. Tesco Mary, the middle-aged singer from Dublin. There are enough votes in that last sentence and with a few more little digs from Cowell she should be all right for long time to come.

12. Nicolo Fest – “Just Dance” - Gone! Not great but the judges helped his departure with some weird remarks. Best comments, Louis Walsh “You’re a diva, you’re quirky and you’re in tune!” followed by Simon saying “I liked it – you look better than you sound.” A good-looking guy with a decent voice spoiled by a diva persona and too big a production.

13. One Direction – “Viva La Vida”- My favourites to win the show unless parents can put locks on the home phone. They are ok at best. They sang ok, but have the full weight of Simon Cowell behind them. Their video trailer sees them jostling around like ‘Shoving Buddies’ from an episode of Family Guy. A cliché representing closeness that the young girl voters will love. On a week where manufactured girl band ‘Girls Aloud’ admit they were never close, it makes me think about their value. Louis had a point on styling. One had a leather coat and scarf on and another had shorts and a t-shirt. Simon says that he is leaving it to the boys. So who is he mentoring – Diva Fever?

14. Wagner – “She Bangs/Love Shack”- If there’s any justice in the world, Wagner will win The X Factor. He is my favourite crazy card. Wagner is there for a joke, but it would be priceless if the joke backfires. The Sun have made much news over a little argument in the house between Wagner and John so I expect one of those to have a backlash this coming week. They won’t want him to hang around too long just in case there is a momentum in his support. A bongo solo every week is the key to his success even if it’s a ballad. We need to start a support group!

15. Aiden Grimshaw – “Mad World”- I like Aiden. He has style and an interesting delivery. He is also a very strong singer that has more to give. Louis said, ‘you are the next big male popstar’, considering what Louis did with `Shayne Ward, Aiden shouldn’t take much notice of that remark. However, on this occasion, Louis could be right. He is the closest thing to having the x factor. I don’t think his performance and originality matched that of Matt but still very promising. He is going to get better and better. A class act.

16. Treyc Cohen – “One” –When you consider Leona Lewis, Alexandra Burke, Maria Lawson, Cassie Compton, Laura White and Brenda Edwards, it’s not the best year for female power singers. I think it is so that the previous winners can come back and still looking like mega stars. Treyc is the only one carrying the touch for the big ballad vocalist and she sang well but not amazingly. She has a beautiful face and with the right songs could do well, but they have styled her into some “Tina Turner” tribute act. I would hope she hasn’t shown her best or she could be in trouble.

I’ll at a charity ball to raise money for Diabetes this weekend, so I will be tweeting only during the result show.

X Factor Final 12 leaked but not reported.

Recently, I was told by someone on Twitter that the final 12 of The X Factor had been leaked. I am 99% sure that the leak is correct and this is the final line up. What is interesting is what do the press think? They are quick to reporter sexy scandals but how come this leak hasn't come into the public arena?

If it wasn't the final 12, I'm sure they would be reporting the leak. I think they are under strict orders NOT to talk about it. What the public don't know about The X Factor is that they have paid to fly out reporters from major papers and publications to cover boot camp in Spain, Australia etc etc. If you were a reporter being wined and dined by The X Factor are you going to fart at the table? Of course not. These people are reporters who love TV or want to move into TV, they want to make friends in high places. Are they going to report anything other than the official story? This list may be wrong but I'll be surprised if it is.

Cheryl Cole will have Cher Lloyd, Katie Waissel and Rebecca Ferguson. All 3 of the girls, aged 16, 24 and 23

Dannii Minogue has the boys, Aiden Grimshaw, Matt Cardle and Nicolo Festa.

Simon Cowell groups F.Y.D. and the two newly formed groups New Direction and another girl group, yet to be named

Louis Walsh has been given the weakest 28s category, is said to have selected John Adeleye, Mary Byrne and Storm Lee.

My personal surprise and disappointment is the omission of Katie Smith and Paije Richardson. I think they were both interesting vocalists. Katie Waissel is not a surprise choice as she is good tv, but vocally the weakest in the line up.

Husstle have been mugged off but I hope the lead singer is in Simon's new girl group because she was captivating.

I wasn't surprised that Marlon McKenzie isn't included as he went off melody and Simon hates that. He is also competition for Shayne Ward and Joe McElderry who are releasing music right now. The young boys and girls have products they have to buy into and Marlon will confuse them. I do wonder if he is in the new group? I doubt it though, Simon will make a young boy band to compete with F.D.Y. Vote! Vote! Vote! Kids!

Surely, Simon calling his group of boys New Direction only sounds like nude erection in my morally debased head. Anyway, Simon is straight after all and it will probably turn out they are a group of girls... Nah! West Life are getting older. He needs a new direction. Young boy band it is then!

My main prediction is that Storm Lee from the USA will make it all the way to the final. Remember: The X Factor is being sold to the Americans now. What will get the middle-aged couch potatoes to put down their KFC buckets quicker than a story of singer from the US living the American dream on Simon's new show? Is it a coincidence that a guy that's in the older group (the exact demographic that The X Factor needs to attract in the USA) comes from the USA, just before the show goes to the USA?

I'm probably wrong about all of this, but wouldn't it be funny if I'm right?

Emma's Imagination has something special.

I missed Sunday’s X Factor, as I was engrossed in the final of Must Be The Music. All three judges, Jamie Cullum, Dizzie Rascal and Sharleen Spiteri performed live along with the 5 superb acts who made it to the grand final in front of 10,000 at Wembley. I predicted Emma’s Imagination and Missing Andy who both made the final 3 along with The Pictures. I would not have been surprised if any of the acts had won, but I was pleased to see Emma eventually winning the first ever series. She currently has 3 songs in the top 40, £100,000 in the bank and isn’t even signed yet. A fantastic achievement and opportunity for her to go forward on her own terms.

Ok, so back to the other show. One thing I can say about this week’s X Factor is that they have definitely got rid of the auto-tune! I think if X Factor was on BBC there would be complaints about wasting taxpayer’s money watching talentless buffoons. It just isn’t funny anymore - is it? Just like a bucket of cold water thrown over you. Funny in an uncomfortable kind of way and then very soon you start feeling, well, cold. I am so glad next week is boot camp.

I won't go on about accusations of X Factor ageism, but not one good singer over 30 went through this weekend so it looks like only Storm Lee and Mary Byrne are there to give us ‘oldies’ hope. Yip-dee-doo!

The first decent singer to be shown was Karl Brown. Young and good-looking, he had a really nice voice. It wasn’t amazing but it will be interesting to see what he can really do in boot camp.

Charlene Dawson, 17, has real potential. She’s not ready now but I just know she could go on to do something if she wanted. She reminded me so much of Katie Jackson, who we had signed to Columbia Records, New York in 2000. Charlene was technically not as strong but a very impressive young talent.

Harry Styles, a 16 year old student, sang “Isn’t She Lovely” in tune. That’s all I can say about it. The judges however heard something else. I read somewhere that he is now part of Simon’s new boy band, which makes sense.

A whole 5 minutes were spent on male duo, Diva Fever. They were not that bad but X Factor perpetuate the stereotypical TV gay male. Cue Village People -YMCA. It was like watching Mr Humphries pouring pints at The Queen Vic. Louis smiling like he had just grabbed the last Rolo and Simon being very manly about it all. Their first song was ok, but Simon let them have another attempt to impress. Cue The Pet Shop Boys - Go West. Diva Fever represented the fun factor, but in reality they were nice guys not boot camp, just camp. However, Louis loved them and they went through. You work it out.

I felt a bit sorry for the next act. Richard Thomas, 28, was a working pub and club singer who obviously had some old cheesy habits. Unlike, Diva Fever and the teenage hooker Simon had let through the day before, he wasn’t given another chance to impress. His voice was better than both acts and he sang the classic ‘Higher and Higher’ (a song I had recorded on my number one album!). He sang uncomfortably but consistently out of time and with the auto-tune fiasco, I wouldn't be surprised if it was down to post-production editing to make him seem worse. All the judges said ‘No’ then dragged out his disappointment by playing 'How Can You Mend A Broken Heart' (another song I had recorded on my number one album!). Funny, a pub singer, two songs from my album, was Simon having a subtle dig at me? Nah, surely not.

Richard wasn’t going to win it but as a working singer he deserved respect. It is his career and he has to go back to working in pubs and clubs. The experience of boot camp would have given him a chance to improve upon his act and go back to his day job revitalized. Instead, the humiliated him.

To compound his apparent ineptitude, Richard was then followed by Marlon McKenzie, 27, singing “Ain’t No Sunshine”. The judges were very complimentary of him but to be honest he started off a bit pitchy and the change of melody didn’t work for me. He did a couple of nice trills at the end but the performance was not as great as they were making out. I’d like to see more. A very cool and good-looking guy who entered twice before but failed to impress the bods before the judges. This is the first time he has reached the judges and now he is a favourite. Funny ol’ game.

What should happen but won’t:

Karl Brown and Marlon McKenzie should get together with two other guys to make an awesome new boy band to rival JLS.

My Easy Prediction:

Boot camp is going to make the token older bloke with the Mohican look like a proper Charlie and the few older singers will struggle with the dance routines, especially the new SuBo, Mary Byrne.

News: Joe McElderry’s new single is sadly a karaoke cover while series two winner Shayne Ward and last year’s runner-up Olly Murs are both releasing original music in November. It’s going to be a very interesting few months for those three boys signed to Simon Cowell’s label.

Must be The Music has The X Factor

What another wonderful week, in the wacky world of X Factor. The big news this Sunday is that with my arch nemesis Sharon Osbourne coming back, Dannii has launched a timely autobiography. Twitter has gone crazy as Kelly Osbourne has waded into Danii for lying about Mrs O. Which I found mildly amusing as Sharon has spent 8 pages bitching about me in her book! I cannot lie, reading how Sharon bullied Dannii brings back bad memories of my own horrible experiences but I have tried to justify Sharon's actions with some kind of insecurities as a mother and music expert. I will blog exactly what went down at some point so don't ask when.

Meanwhile, Simon Cowell is angry that a useless singing hooker is exploiting the show by selling her service as 'Star of The X Factor', I didn't even do that and I won the show! Not sell my sexually services, you know what I mean! Sorry Simon, it's your own fault. 12 million people at home thought she was rubbish and you still put her through to boot camp and half of those women watching thought she was probably a hooker.

Last night's show was alright. There were some good singers but nothing that got me excited, so I'm not going to review any of them right now. I'll wait and see them perform in the live final. I've already heard about two surprises. It sounds like Katie Smith doesn't make it through to the live finals which if it is true is a surprise and Paije, who I predicted won't make it - has! Which if true is great. I'm looking forward to seeing who makes the final twelve.

Tonight is the second half of the double bill but it's up against the Must Be The Music final and that wins hands down, so I'll tape The X Factor. Tape? Sky PLUS it? Is that the term theses days? Let me know.

I have hardly noticed any stories about the judges or sordid revelations about acts on MBTM and that really has been refreshing. It really is just about the music. Some of my favourite acts never made the final but still the final five all deserve to be there and even those who didn't make it have a great launch to their careers. I've loved the series and if it comes back again it will be even bigger and better.

I'm tipping either Emma's Imagination or Missing Andy. Both are fantatsic and will go on to establish themselves as serious recording artists. It's live in front of 10,000 people at Wembley with no Auto-tune and no pre-recorded backing vocals turned up high in the mix to make the groups sound better than what there are. JLS take note!

Must Be The Music is a proper showcase for new talent. The winner takes home £100,000. They are NOT tied into a management deal, NOT tied to a pre-arranged record deal and they EARN from their single straight away when it gets released on iTunes. How I wish it was around back in 2004. Mmmm....I wonder if I can enter next year.

Must Be The Music Sky One 7.00 tonight.

Why am I doing this? – The X Factor Episode 4

“We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Firstly, let me say that I will be doing a blog every week all the way through to the end of the series. It will be published every Sunday for a large regional on-line newspaper group starting from boot camp. So check out news on Twitter! @stevebrookstein

I'm not going to talk about the terrible acts as they have already wasted enough of my time. I'll crack straight on with the talent. In retrospect, this will be seen as a bad week.

Poor 16 year old, Tom Richards sang a great song, ‘The Man Who Can’t Be Moved’ by The Script and Louis and Cheryl were on the money, as they liked his voice but not the performance. He sang it well but over egged it with an Olly Murs dance routine that was not appropriate. Simon wanted him to know the music he should be doing and his gap in the market. Maybe he was being harsh as the guest judge is 19-year-old Pixie Lott. She had the deciding vote and said ‘no’ before pressure from the audience and Louis helped change her mind and Tom joyously went through. Sadly, I think he is too young and not ready. He will make it as far as the judges’ houses but he would be better suited to a boy band until he discovers what he wants to be as an artist.

Katie Smith, 17, sang ‘Use Somebody’. She has a very interesting and cool look. You don’t see much of her but the judges loved her. She is one of the better singer/songwriter type vocalists that I’ve seen so far. A definite dark horse and I expect her to make the live finals.

Pretty, Lauran Francis, 18, performed a competent ‘Heard It Through The Grape Vine’ but for me she had too much vibrato. I would be extremely surprised if she went any further.

Lee Vaughan, 29-year-old pub singer with a Mohican was the token over 28 year old to make it through. Nice guy, fun and confident but no chance of the live finals.

Last year, Danyl Johnson was criticised for being an arrogant and over confident diva, though I didn’t see it in him myself. This year, the judges love Nicolo Festa, 21, who really shows some controversial traits. This is a guy you will love or hate which makes for great TV. He thinks the whole World is average and he is the chosen one. Simon loves his attitude because unlike Tom Richards who needs direction and hasn’t really an obvious place in the market, he knows what he wants and Simon sees him as the next Mika. Which is ironic as Nicolo, doesn’t like any pop music.

Personally, I think he has some nice vocals but he wasn’t that great to warrant the diva status or persona. He is a little too self obsessed for my liking, but even still, he is a cert for the finals and a probably top 3 finish.

F.Y.D – Of all the boy bands so far in this years show, these guys are best singers and most credible visually. We didn’t see much but I’m hoping to hear more.

Finally came Paije Richardson and in my opinion, the best singer of the night with the most likable character too. Ok, there was a bit of WWF about the way they put him through but he got there in the end. I was with Louis 100%. His performance of ‘Fly Me To The Moon’ was good enough to see him straight through, but unexplainably Simon and Cheryl sent him packing. Luckily, Louis got him another chance to impress and after a commercial break he came back and blew everyone away with ‘A Man’s World’. It was a fantastic audition and the highlight of the show.

My Conspiracy Theory:

Something weird is going on with the group F.Y.D. the vocal mix on their performance was unbalanced making it sound worse than it was. It now turns out that one of them is a drag queen and Simon didn’t like them. I can’t help think they are going to be passed over for a band Simon makes up during boot camp or hunky man band The Reason.

My Prediction:

He may have been the best singer on the night but Paije Richardson will not make it to the live finals.

Next week is the last of the audition before they move on to boot camp. My X Factor blog is Sunday 19 September.

The X Factor - Episode 3 - 'Get up Rocky!'

There's no Star Wars reference in the title to this blog but Rocky 3 or Clubber Lang wouldn't have been out of place. Billed as 'Fight Night', Abby and Lisa AKA Ablisa were a classic example of an act being told in their auditions that they were very good and greeted with warm crocodile smiles all the way until they faced the judges and the unforgiving audience. And what a climax to an episode where all the boxes were ticked. Tears, good singers, bad singers, nut jobs and violence. Simon must have been punching the air as Abbey was punching Lisa in the final round of a pulsating show. If you go on You Tube you can watch Lisa get hit in JFK slow-mo styley. Her head clearly goes back and to the left.

Now seriously, two close friends who no doubt went along for a laugh, stood in the long queues, waved and cheered on demand and then, like a couple of little green men in Toy Story, they were picked up by The Claw and dumped in front of the judges.

Abby and Lisa were obviously X Factor crazy and younger than their 18 years suggested. They probably had been to 'The X Factor' concerts and bought programmes, mugs and t-shirts. They had tried to sing Shayne Ward's 'That's My Goal', so no doubt they had voted a 100 times and bought his album. On top of all this merchandise, Abby and Lisa had also bought into Simon's dream that anyone can be famous. Terms and conditions apply.

Firstly, Abbey Johnstone ran off stage through embarrassment when the audition was going badly. She said, "'(Lisa) had just started singing, and I decided I didn't want to sing. I ran off stage but the X Factor people physically forced me to go back on again, and I couldn't take it any more".

Get up Rocky!!! They manage to convince Abbey with a bit of a push to give it one more go, and boy did she deliver a knockout performance.

You would think that after years of being criticised for its 'bear-baiting' style of audition, things might change. But Simon and The X Factor producers pretty much gave two-fingers to those critics so we, the chavs of British society, could delight in seeing a young girl hit another young girl in the name of light entertainment for all the family.

A concerned Cowell is then seen talking with the production team and delivering a well scripted "Tell them from me, it's four nos!" He should have added, 'Oh, and tell them, don't forget to buy Shayne Ward's new album out in November!'

I found it uncomfortable viewing seeing Abbey and Lisa humiliated and the subsequent problems they are facing. Somehow, their sacrifice is validated as The X Factor saves Cher Lloyd from a depressing life of anonymity. This talented 16 year old wowed the judges with a rendition of 'Turn My Swag On'. Everybody loves her. Twitter has gone nuts for her, so has facebook and youtube. The papers are tipping her for success and why not?

Well, not wanting to be a damp squib, there have been some great female vocalists over the years, Cassie Compton, Maria Lawson or even more recently Laura White and Lucie Jones. All these great singers impressed on the show but didn't end up winning it, when any of them could have.

Cher has great potential and it wouldn't surprise me if in three months she could have developed into a star. She will definitely make the finals and have an amazing journey but I could easily see the headline 'The Fix Factor' again. Just like when Simon put Irish Super Group Jedward through instead of Lucie Jones or when Louis chose the other Irish Super Group Conway Sisters over Maria Lawson.

I thought Cher gave a superb audition and had some really special moments. The song choice was perfect and at any age her performance was professional, but at only 16, that is X Factor potential. She did however perform straight after the tone deaf Patti Eleode singing 'For Your Eyes Only'. Not the hardest act in the World to follow. I wonder if everyone would have been so blown away if she had followed this. All I'm saying is that we should keep it real, but no, we'll probably be like England football fans, running away with ourselves until the inevitable shock exit.

Last year we had Danyl Johnson who did 'the best audition ever!' according to Simon Cowell, only to be branded an over confident bully by the press and consequently went off the rails in the live finals. The same could happen to Cher if the powers at be decide her 'swag' is just over confidence and decide to pull her down a peg or two.

Now, on a personal level, and I'm hoping it was just something to do with her getting her 'swag on', but I need to get to grips with some of the face pulling. It's a bit like dating a hot girl with a bad laugh. It's probably nothing, but I will be watching out for it.

Now for the best of the rest:

John Edeleye sang 'You Are So Beautiful' and I wish they had shown more, I can only hope it's because they are saving it for the live finals. He was a top class charismatic performer, and he was the best male singer on the show.

However, Liam Payne, surprisingly received much more air time for an over-hyped, Cry Me A River. The Telegraph described it as 'mature' and said ."There were pound-signs in Cowell’s eyes as Louis Walsh called him 'a British Justin Bieber'. " Liam has a pop star look but still needs a little work vocally. I think he has a great chance of the finals because of the teenage girl vote.

Sting had said that real artists would never come out of The X Factor and Storm Lee has entered to prove him wrong. But the only thing he has proved so far is that middle aged men shouldn't wear tight jeans. I also question anyones credentials as a real artist who has changed their name to a bad climate condition and comes on dressed as an extra from Easy Rider. For once I totally agree with Simon, Storm is a silly name, unless you are a drummer from a multi-platinum selling rock band from the 70s and even then it's a bit dodgy.

I remember when I was about 8 years old, and seeing the film 'Cromwell'. I was moved so much by the performance of Richard Harris, that I wanted to change my name to Oliver Cromwell. I nagged my mum for weeks until I ultimately saw sense. Where was Lee's mum when he came up with his stupid idea? He actually has a very good voice and the banter between Simon and Cheryl discussing his name made for very good viewing. I have a funny feeling that Storm will go far once they manage to peel those trousers off and change his image, if not his name.

For the die-hard fans I know this was a perfect show. This was The X Factor at it's best. Not the best in Saturday night TV or morality, but if you like the show and accept it for what it is then this was a 10/10, it had everything.

However, for the cynics, it represented the worst in capitalism. Giving the consumer what they want regardless of consequences. The cost this week was the public humiliation of Abbey and Lisa, the two young girls who have now become infamous fighters with over 3 million hits in 3 days on You Tube. They were sold a dream and bought a nightmare but according to Simon, it's their own fault.

Simon says to all those who have not benefitted from the wonderful dream scheme that he peddles, "They blame us for wrecking their lives. No,we didn't. We just said, 'Welcome on the talent show, we'll put you in front of millions of people. Good luck to you'." and when he says he'll 'put you in front of millions' he means its.

I can't deny, I loved some of the performers on this week's show, but I don't think it was worth the price we pay as a society to show Abbey and Lisa.

Simon Cowell isn't exactly Charles Ponzi, but with so many kids buying into his dream scheme on face value, how do we protect them from themselves?

Maybe, Abby and Lisa should have read the terms and conditions. The trouble is, you only get to read them once you are escorted out of the store.

The X Factor - Episode 2, The Empire Strikes Back

Sometime I wonder if falling out with Simon was such a good idea. He may have his faults but at least he can organise a great show.

I did a pub gig for a friend in Cornwall recently and The Sun reported it as the ‘X Tractor’ and a ‘Crop star’. I wonder what they would have made of my latest gig.

I had to record this week’s The X Factor as I was up in Northampton and Grimsby all weekend. I was with the band Fillet Of Soul. It’s not any ol’ band, it is made up of some of the UK’s finest musicians. I have no qualms about mentioning the artists who have also had the pleasure of working with these superb players; Jools Holland, Al Green, Katherine Jenkins and Teddy Pendergrass to name-drop just a few. One of the singers can be heard every week on Strictly Come Dancing, so believe me when I say they are fantastic.

The Friday night's gig in Northampton was a sell-out and a big success, but the organiser for the Sunday gig had not arranged the licence for venue and at the last minute had to find another location.

We were told it was a field. An open-air gig with marquee and bar, a kind of Picnic in The Park type thing. Cool huh?! Nope – it was not cool. It was a car park to a pig farm. Yes, a pig farm car park. Not a field, it was a gravel car park and no marquee in sight. There was a small gazebo though, and a big container of scrap metal and what looked like chimney pots.

I was in a beautiful gastro pub when I was told of this new location. I suddenly imagined the headlines in The News Of The World, ‘Picnic in the Pig farm!’ and I burst out laughing. Nobody else saw the funny side. The life of a musician, one minute they’re on Jonathan Ross playing with Al Green, the next they are getting bad news like this. I suppose getting dropped weeks after a number one album I could laugh at what was just another minor disaster.

The gig was so badly organised it was cancelled. The electrics were exposed to the elements and with the lack of insurance, terrible weather and a stage with no cover they had no choice but to pull the plug on Picnic at The Pig Farm. You would expect my blog to be a bitter rant as a result of the weekend events but I’ve moved on to the next stage - resignation.

So, after a long drive down the A16 and M11 on August Bank Holiday Monday, there’s nothing I wanted more than to sit down and watched this week’s The X Factor. I don’t think I really needed to watch it to review it, however, it is a 'music' show and I am interested in seeing and hearing new talent.

Interestingly, The Daily Mail reported that this week’s X Factor showed just 10 minutes of singing, with 25 minutes dedicated to showing the judges. Nothing’s changed there then. The main tabloid rag, The Sun, reflected that observation. It was more content with talking about singing prostitutes and whether or not the woman with mental health issues who was auto-tuned and then axed will be allowed back in. It’s all so depressing and that’s before I had a chance to see it for myself.

Temple Fire was one of the first and worst acts shown. A terrible, four piece boy band that were obviously shown to make the not so terrible The Reason look good. It’s a common trick they use and you fall for it every time. For some reason, Simon was impressed by the harmonies of the latter and said that ‘less is more’ in which case silence would have been perfect.

There was also some irony as sex object and celebrity judge Katy Perry, put a lifeguard through, only after he agreed to flash his tits. Sorry, I mean, remove his top and show his chest. You get my point? I’m all for women’s equality but I was hoping it wouldn’t equate to a 1940’s film producer with a casting couch. By the way, lifeguard man was in good shape but couldn’t really sing. Through you go to the next round, son!

Then came, Mary Byrne, supposedly the new Susan Boyle. She stayed pretty much in tune for a full 2 minutes. She’ll have a good chance to make the live finals and Simon would have noted with Mary being an employee of Tesco, she is bound to get first class product placement when her album comes out. Every little helps. She was quite good, but again just like Susan Boyle, if she was 25 and beautiful, would anyone care?

Oh no, this blog is becoming a bitter rant – please X Factor give me something good to say!

And if luck or good editing should have it, the last 10 minutes of a totally useless showcase of talentless dreamers draws to a close we are given a glimpse of some people who actually might keep us watching next week. Thank you for saving my blog.

The quirky and incredibly happy vocal group Seven who had a touch of Glee about them were very watchable. They are a cert for the live finals along with Rebecca, the very attractive unemployed hairdresser, who had a very good voice. Matt the painter would have been interesting, if it wasn’t for his dire opinion of his normal life. He had gone for the ‘desperate to escape my depressing non-exclusive member of the public status and gain a pass to the exciting celebrity club’ option. Trust me, I had a temporary VIP pass for fifteen minutes and when you get past the bouncer, it’s like every other poncy pretentious gathering of superficial socialites.

I must point out however, that The X Factor is a bit like a karaoke at this swanky nightclub. You hear so many wrong ‘uns that by the time a half decent singer belts out ‘I Will Survive’ you actually start getting a little excited and auto-tune is a distant memory.

The one shining light was the girl band Husstle. Apart from the annoying extra ‘s’ in their name, I was really impressed for the twenty seconds they were shown. Even vocal expert Cheryl Cole had to reluctantly admit they were good. Newspapers have reported that they have been forced to add a pole dancer to their line-up and though they are talking it up, I fear it will be their downfall.

All in all, episode two of The X Factor was very much like the first show, very polished with moments of controversy. OK, it wasn’t a particularly musical ninety minutes with just ten minutes allocated to singing but at least it wasn’t set in a gravel car park near Grimsby or cancelled due to bad weather, scaffolding, scrap metal and pigs. I might draft my apologies to Simon.

X Factor is magical but it Must Be The Music.

And so it begins - TV Britain’s most controversial show has once again hit our screens. It appears that the nation is already gripped and although 80% of the actual nation is doing something completely different, nobody can deny the genius PR of ‘The X Factor’ brand. It has it all, ‘live’ shows, merchandise revenue, record sales, phone voting revenue, sponsorship, and patent pending World domination.

The show opened with the obligatory slick montage to give the judges validity along with 1000s of hopefuls standing happily in queues and on demand cheering, waving and demonstrating ‘X Factor’ crossed arms which is also probably patent pending.

The latest fiasco involves making the contestants sound better than they really are ‘to deliver the most entertaining experience possible for viewers’ according to an X factor spokesman. This will only deliver more ratings as the public auto-tune in to debate the fairness of having some singers live and others assisted. The concept is hilarious. It would be like giving Barnet a 5-goal head start against Chelsea in the FA Cup. It would definitely make it a more ‘entertaining experience’ for the neutral. But what is scary is that the programme admits that the judges put these singers through before the vocals were enhanced. Well, that’s Barnet straight in the next round then!

Surely, this hasn’t been just a huge PR stunt? Who knows? But hey, who cares? For that moment - it’s awesome. Ok ‘awesome’ is a bit extreme but that’s another thing in the wonderful weird world of The X Factor, words have no tangible meaning either. The judges throw around phrases with so little consistency that you can’t work out what they actually mean anymore. The viewers are confused by the judges’ comments and vocal performances in equal measure and neither can be truly trusted again.

So what does having the x factor actually mean now that the brand has become bigger than the term?

On one hand, it gives hope to anyone who just may have it, whatever that may be, and on the other, it’s a tiny piece of personality over-shadowed by the brand and that makes The X Factor extremely clever. It has lowered the level of the quality control bar so much that anybody can join in the fun and believe in the dream. It’s actually easier to get over the bar than under it!

Sting has branded it ‘televised karaoke’ and Lilly Allen just last week laid into the show on her twitter by saying, ‘It’s everything that I detest about modern western culture. Cowell is the only one who really benefits.’ But despite growing criticisms from many international stars the show has not only survived, it has grown into a must watch, car crash monster and there is no reason why this year will be any different.

Apart from the big talking point on manipulating the performances, the first episode of the new series featured a 70 year old man, a sob story, a singer who went through with auto-tune but still sounded terrible, a likable Madonna type, a camp dancing house husband, G&S a gay and straight act and they were the good ones. Mercy, mercy! If there was any real talent they hid it well or are they holding it back for another week? They did show however, repeated clips of a contestant hitting her friend in the face and a visibly shocked Cheryl Cole who coincidently was found guilty of assaulting a toilet assistant in 2003.

I would love to comment more on the content but as so little was about music, to indulge in the trivia of glossy celebs with new teeth numbs my soul. I hope next week will be better.

By contrast, Sky One’s ‘Must Be The Music’ really worked for me. On first impressions MBTM feels much more real and sincere. It seems tasteful and talent driven with respectable artists as judges giving the show the edge in the credibility stakes. It will be interesting to see which of these shows best achieves the goal of discovering UK talent. You can actually believe it is about the music. Even the prize is a fair £100,000, a performance at Wembley and a single available to download. Then the rest is up to you. The winner will no doubt be inundated with record deal offers and will be able to choose the path that is right for them, total creative control and that is a dream for any artist. No golden handcuffs, no forced management, it’s simple and it’s fair.

The Judges consist of Rapper Dizzie Rascal who says it as it is, from the band Texas Sharleen Spiteri, who also says it as it is and then jazz artist Jamie Cullum who is the most diplomatic to those who are musically challenged. All three judges have a real understanding of music and stage experience that obviously is respected by the contestants. Now listen to this: The acts can even play instruments for their auditions! What a novel idea, a show about finding a musical talent that allows talent to play an instrument in their audition. If it sounds obvious, then that’s it because it is. I think X Factor have stayed clear of such things since Simon Cowell called a trombone a trumpet a couple of years back.

MBTM has only weeks to run and it is already at the semi-final stage. All 15 chosen acts would grace any X Factor live final and I’m convinced they have found a star if not more. It’s been brilliant! Britain finally has a serious outlet for up and coming new artists to showcase their skills.

It’s going to be a fascinating battle between the old magician whose tricks are looking tired and this new kid on the block. Yes, The X Factor still contains some magical moments with top guest stars, dancers and choirs but as it relies more heavily on smokes and mirrors it’s looking more like Ali Bongo than Derren Brown. In saying that, I just know that the disillusioned viewers disturbed by recent events will once again be laughing and cheering next Saturday as Simon digs deep and pulls a rabbit out of the hat. After all the show must go on.